Summer fun

When the world is threatened with destruction thanks to a curse from a talking, decapitated witch’s head, what’s a kid to do?

If you’re Thatcher Hill, you stop dusting the fake mermaids and other assorted grotesqueries at your uncle’s seaside Museum of Curiosities, join forces with a princess from the fabled lost city of Atlantis, and kick some monster-squid butt.

Greg van Eekhout’s new middle-grade novel Kid Vs. Squid has it all—thrills, spills, and chills, and it’s a laugh a minute, to boot. Spend the summer with Thatcher and see how much fun a rundown boardwalk can be!

Slimy squid, hero kid. Kid Vs. Squid by Greg van Eekhout is published by Bloomsbury USA Children's Books

Thanks, Alot!

A blogger named Allie has recently posted about her pet peeves concerning spelling and grammar. One thing that really puts a bee in her bonnet is when people spell “a lot” as one word: “alot.”

She’s thought a lot about “alot,” and drew a picture of the image that came into her mind.

Allie's imagined Alot. Found at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

She’s incorporated her feelings for Alot in another drawing.

Does Allie care for ALL Alots, or just this one? Found at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

What kinds of Alots are in Allie’s imagination? All kinds! Like this:

This Alot is hot! Found at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

When it comes to Alots, Allie reaches out with love and understanding.

Allie listens, Alot. Found at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

But there’s one thing Allie would like to get straight. When Alots (or anyone else) are spelling “a lot,” they had better make it TWO words, not ONE.

Griffin’s Gold

Sam and Andy from Chicago, IL write:

Dear T,

We finished Griffin’s Gold, our story about the legendary Griffin, and we printed copies. Here’s one for you. You can share this excerpt. It’s from the part where Griffin and Dragon fight to the death for Griffin’s gold, only Griffin lets Dragon live to see another day. That’s good because later on they have to join forces to battle an evil Giant. What do you think?

Griffin's Gold book cover by Sam and Andy

From Griffin’s Gold by Sam and Andy:

Griffin and Dragon were face to face with each other. Warily they circled each other. Griffin twitched his wings in eager anticipation of the battle to come, while Dragon snorted plumes of smoke into the chilly air.

Despite the cozy fire he had built, Griffin’s lair was almost as cold as the frozen mountaintop. Dragon lifted his mighty tail and slammed it down hard, pounding the rocky ground. The metallic scales of his impenetrable body armor glistened in the fire’s glow.

“Give me your treasure,” he told Griffin, “and you can avoid a good beating.”

Griffin’s razor-sharp claws drew sparks from where they scraped the rock. “It’s you who are going to get beaten, Dragon,” he replied. “I’ll give you ten seconds to skedaddle on out of here. Otherwise, you’re in for it big time.”

“I ain’t leaving here without that gold,” said Dragon.

“Suit yourself,” said Griffin and lunged at Dragon’s vulnerable throat with his fearsome eagle’s beak. The battle for Griffin’s gold had begun.

T replies:

Wow, Sam and Andy! I am thoroughly impressed. The adventure was gripping, the suspense was unbearable, and I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I can say that Griffin and Dragon are a force to be reckoned with. Great job!

A holiday letter

This is my second cousin once removed, composer Cornelius Power.

Composer Cornelius Power (April 1, 1821 - July 4, 1915)

Cornelius loved writing letters, and every year at holiday time, the Power family turns to one of them in particular, which has been handed down through the generations. It is dated December 17, 1856, and I’d like to share it with you.

Greetings, Holiday People!

You’ll never guess what I’m doing right now. I am actually dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh. Contrary to expectations, I am not laughing all the way. It is far too cold here in this winter wonderland for that. As it is, I am bundled up from head to toe in warm clothing, but I think I’ll burrow down deep into the cozy quilts and blankets that my sleigh driver has so thoughtfully provided.

Sleigh driver? Ha! It is my BFF, James Lord Pierpont, the famous organist and composer and my comradely rival in all musical endeavors. James has got a thing about one-horse open sleighs. The only thing he cares more about than composing catchy songs is dashing through the snow. He is working on a new song about it now, but I can’t see it going anywhere. He calls it “Jingle Bells,” and it’s fairly simpleminded, not at all up to the high standard he set with “Ring the Bell, Fanny.”

How I long for a cup of hot cocoa! We brought a whole lake of it in a thermos, but it spilled all over the floor of the sleigh thanks to James’s erratic driving. He’s up there now on the absolute edge of his seat, cracking the whip and singing at the top of his lungs. I’m burrowing further into the blankets and quilts. It’s a well-known fact in these parts that survivors of sleigh crashes are nearly always found closest to the floor of the vehicle.

I can only imagine how wondrous one-horse sleighs will be one hundred and fifty or so years from now, but I daresay holiday wishes will have remained exactly the same. By then, no doubt poor James’s simpleminded ditty “Jingle Bells” will have been long relegated to the dustbin and some other songwriter will have come along to better describe how fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. I am far too humble to be referring to myself, of course, although some say my sleigh song “Horsey Snow Ride” is the catchiest number they’ve ever heard.

Darn it, James! That turn was much too sharp. Ohhhhhhhh!!!!

(At this point the letter ends in a series of jagged marks.)

Of course, as history shows, Cousin Cornelius was wrong about “Jingle Bells.” James Lord Pierpont’s sleigh-ride song went on to become one of the best known and most commonly sung winter songs in the world, whereas, sadly, Cornelius’s own sleigh song “Horsey Snow Ride” has been completely ignored. But he was right about holiday wishes. They’ve remained exactly the same.

Give thanks for blessings.

Say a prayer for peace.

Give a donation where it’s needed.

Resolve to be a little more patient, a little more forgiving, and a lot more helpful.

Amen to that!

Bad lighting

George from Portland, OR writes:

Dear T,

I am writing a scary Halloween story called “The Evil Lightbulb.” It’s about a 60-watt lightbulb that shines with pure evil. Everyone who sees its light turns into a homicidal maniac. It likes people who are scared of the dark, because they are sure to turn it on, and then it sits back and watches the bloodbath. Here’s the cover I made for it.

Scary cover drawn by George

T replies:

Hey, George. That is indeed a scary lightbulb. But to foil its evil intentions I would attach it to a dimmer switch on every other night but Halloween!

It’s and its, and Cousin Itt

The Addams Family's Cousin Itt: It's got its own style. Photo (c) 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Jude from Bennington, VT writes:

Dear T,

The school year is well underway for me here at college, and I’m a Teaching Assistant for an English Composition course. I love helping people learn the craft of writing, but I’ve got a big beef. In paper after paper, the students in my classes are confusing IT’S with ITS. These are college kids I’m talking about, not elementary schoolers. If you ask me, they should have figured it out by now.

I don’t want to sound like a nag, but please, please, please let me remind people one more time:

It’s is a contraction for it has or it is. Example: It’s a pleasure to meet you!

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning of it or belonging to it. Example: The fire truck is on its way.

There is NO SUCH WORD as its’, and so THERE IS NO EXAMPLE FOR ITS’!

I appreciate you letting me vent. This has been driving me crazy.

T replies:

You can vent here anytime, Jude, especially when it concerns questions of grammar. I don’t think you’re being a nag, although I do think you sound a little high-strung. If you ask me, you need to unwind a bit. You should rake up a pile of crisp, clean autumn leaves and then jump right into it. All kidding aside, its and it’s can sometimes fool the best of us, and it’s good to be reminded of its meaning. Thanks for putting its in its place, and it’s in its place, too.

Knock, knock …

Eric from Columbus, OH writes:

Dear T,

I’m writing a book about the adventures of a street lamp and a telephone pole, and I’m drawing the pictures for it, too. The only problem is, Lampy and Poley are stuck in the ground and can’t go anywhere. All they can do is tell Knock Knock jokes. What should I do about that?

Drawing of Lampy and Poley by Eric

T replies:

I say keep ‘em telling Knock Knock jokes, Eric. The world could use a few more of those. With all the problems we have to face every day, we can all use a good laugh!

Tut uncommon

Sarah from Seattle, WA writes:

Dear T,

I am writing a story about an Ancient Egyptian girl named Tibby. She is the secret daughter of the famous Boy King, Pharaoh Tutankhamun. The Boy King Tut wasn’t really a boy when he died under mysterious circumstances in 1323 BC. He was nineteen years old, which was plenty old for a father in those days.

When her father, King Tut, dies, Tibby goes to live among friends of the former Pharaoh. She grows up as happy and content as a girl can be. However, the day soon comes when she must sacrifice a bull to the God Osiris to ensure the fertile crops, and she cannot bring herself to perform such a bloody deed. She is given a chicken to sacrifice in place of the bull, but she can’t bring herself to do that, either. So the High Priests decide to sacrifice HER to Osiris instead.

Needless to say, Tibby must flee for her life. Luckily, she befriends the handsome son of an Egyptian slave and together they sail down the River Nile to live out the rest of their days in peace and happiness.

I have drawn the cover for my book, which I have entitled Daughter of Tut. Here it is in all its glory.

P.S. King Tut didn’t really have a daughter named Tibby. I made her up!

Book cover drawn by Sarah

T replies:

Your story about Tibby, the secret daughter of King Tut, sounds like a real page-turner, Sarah! And I really like your book cover. I have always been fascinated by Ancient Egypt. It’s thrilling to imagine the excitement archaeologist Howard Carter must have felt in 1922 when he discovered King Tut’s glamorous tomb, with all its golden treasures. Of course, poor Mr. Carter was later struck dead by the Pharaoh’s Curse. Oh, well! I’m sure it was worth it.

A mythical beast

Sam and Andy from Chicago, IL write:

Dear T,

A Griffin is a mythological creature that has the body of a lion, and the head and wings of an eagle. At one time people believed Griffins guarded treasure. We are writing a story about a Griffin, and we have made a drawing of one to show you. Sam drew the lion parts, and Andy drew the eagle parts. It is a little shaky because we drew it in the car on the way back from Berwyn. The Griffin in our story must fight a dragon in order to protect its treasure. The dragon loses the fight, but the Griffin lets it live to see another day. It’s lucky he did, because later on they both must join forces and gang up on an evil Giant.

Drawing of a Griffin by Sam and Andy

T replies:

Hey, Sam and Andy! That Griffin looks fierce. I wouldn’t want to steal any treasure it was guarding. Good luck with your Griffin story. It certainly sounds exciting!

A rad arachnid

Dan from Tallahassee, FL writes:

Salutations, T!

Today my mom went into the bathroom to take a shower like she does every morning, and two minutes later my dad and I heard her scream bloody murder. He and I went running to see what was the matter, and she showed us the cause of all the fuss. Here’s a hint: It had six more legs than I do! Trapped in the tub was the biggest, hairiest spider we had ever seen. At first, Mom wanted Dad to smash it, but then she cooled down and let me capture it in a jar and release it in the garden. Before I set it free, I did a drawing of it. Dad and I got online and looked at pictures of the different kinds of spiders that live in Florida, and we’re pretty sure it was a Giant Lichen Orbweaver. Here’s a jpeg of my drawing. I’m going to write a report about the Giant Lichen Orbweaver on my own and turn it in for extra credit in Biology class next year.

Giant Lichen Orbweaver drawing by Dan

T replies:

Wow, Dan, the spider in your drawing is so scary I nearly jumped out of my skin! I can see why your mom screamed bloody murder when she encountered the real thing in the bathtub. You captured the hairiness of this arachnid specimen especially well. And I appreciate your use of “salutations” in your greeting. I don’t see or hear that very often!